I had a conversation with a pastor friend this week about God’s presence in his people. He told me a story about some of his congregants who came to him and said him “pastor, I am really struggling to pray right now in my life…and I feel very far from God.” Have you ever experienced this? A conviction of an unhealthy, or quiet, or distant practice of prayer. Usually this conviction hits me the hardest when I gather with the Body. I find that the busy-ness of life affords me to push that conviction underneath the present and I can move on thinking I am doing alright. And then I sit in the Body and I reflect. I communicate with the Holy One and he says - where have you been? I sit uneasily in my seat - with a plan to do better during the next week of busy-ness. And then I don't.

When folks would come to him with this struggle he would ask them something I thought was quite profound. He would ask “Who do you think is providing that conviction to you?” Instantly, I did not quite understand, but when I thought about the question, I saw that he was flipping the entire situation on its head. When I feel a conviction, who is it that provides that feeling within me? Where is it coming from? My uncanny observation of my self? Surely not. I am not aware enough of that - are you? But it comes from GOD. YHWH, or phonetically known as Yahweh. Our God is close enough to communicate with us to say “you sense that I am distant, but I am closer than your skin; within your soul. Telling us that we are not pulling our weight in this relationship.

We cannot see, audibly hear, or touch the very skin of this Essence we worship. We cannot hold tight to, lean into to weep, or knock on a material door to see his smiling face. But God, is the most important relationship we have. He is the one who has the power to move mountains, offer and provide the source of our blessings, and save lives for eternity. He gave us access to himself through his Son, Jesus Christ. And he is with us. He is IN us. And this relationship needs just as much intentionality, focus, attention, and time as any other. Just like every other relationship we hold onto, it is a two-way street. That friend that you call when you’re overwhelmed and tired, and in turn they call you when they are sad, broken, or in need of affirmation. Two people, expending effort to keep the regular happenings of life at the forefront of their friend’s minds. Two people, giving and taking vulnerabilities, stresses, and joys. So we can be known. We must pursue God as much as we pursue the closest of relationships we have.

When we have chosen ourselves and our own power to walk through life and make decisions or chose directions of where we should go, we Exodus ourselves from our God. If I may use Exodus as a verb… But as Pastor Justin has shared with us this week, the Exodus of a faithful saint is always met with the promise of His presence. We may feel as though we are far away, but he is closer in those moments than ever. He will not leave, he will not forsake, he will not forget us. In the depths of our sins and our exodus, he is ever closer. Far be it for our brokenness and imperfection to break a link in God’s plan. But our actions, choices, mistakes, and even failures are an integral part of His plan. His forging of the iron in fire to make us more like himself. His patience with our foolishness as he was patient with the Baal forging sinners of the desert.

I assume Pastor Justin has been beautifully walking us through these Grifts of Jacobs story to illuminate the strength we have in our own lives as we wrestle with God. To show that what my other pastor friend has declared: that despite our humanness, and our struggles and our deceit, God is with us. So God, Where are you?

He is right here. In the midst of the valleys and blaring the trumpet on the mountaintops with us and for us. He is patiently waiting for us to turn around and tell him “I know you are right there and I know you have been.” So when you ask, God where are you? Turn around and know that the very question you ask is coming from his Spirit to say “I’m right here - keep going.” When we turn and acknowledge his presence, we are reopening our side of that two-way street. We are affirming that we know it is Him who provides that conviction in the first place, and we can again commence working on the relationship we have with him.

~Jeremy Warren