“Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song” (Thy Mercy, My God, Sandra McCracken)

This hymn could’ve summed up Joseph’s life and story. But, maybe even more so his brothers. In this scene in Genesis, after Joseph creates an elaborate scheme to test his brothers, they plea for mercy their brother Benjamin. God has redeemed these brothers. When Joseph was sold into slavery because of his brother’s jealousy they passed the blame and lied to their father. Now, faced with the same situation- give up their father’s favorite son to save themselves- they respond differently instead, offering of themselves to go instead. Their love for their father overrides division. Then, we see a beautiful picture of reconciliation within a family.

Josh reminded us that there are three components to reconciliation. The weight of guilt, the weight of sacrifice, and the weight of mercy. I loved the idea that reconciliation requires sacrifice. So often, this is my hang up in seeking reconciliation- sacrificing my own image in the eyes of someone else, sacrificing my pride, and sacrificing my emotional tie to a particular subject doesn’t come easily.

In these chapters of Genesis we also see divine providence reigns in Joseph’s story. God will work all the horrible things out for good. God prepared this story and Joseph to be able to provide for a time of famine in the land. Josh asked us, “Do you believe God is working it out for your good?”

My head answers yes to this question. My heart, that’s a different story right now. This has been a hard season. I am tired, guys. Tired of hard decisions, of disappointing my kids again with a closed preschool or canceled trip, a Thanksgiving without any extended family. I am tired of not knowing how I feel about things, of having to tip-toe around other people’s opinions, of waiting. Last month we suffered a chemical pregnancy. Do I believe God is working it out for my good?

When I call my counselor every other week and express how angry and out of control I feel, she always reminds me that this is the very place where God wants me- dependent upon Him alone. I know many of us can relate, but 2020 has been stripping away my comfort, idols, and has revealed how unwilling I am to sacrifice my ideals and my wants for what God has for me this year. Sacrificing my own timeline for another Siebert baby, for God’s timing. It hurts and its painful and often leaves me venting and crying to my closest friends and family.

But, if I trust in my core that God is working it all out for good, even more so than being reconciled to others, my family in my home, and being reconciled in my own heart to who I am in Christ, I must be reconciled with God. This requires sacrifice, laying down my life daily, taking up my cross and preaching God’s divine providence to myself. Thank God he understands this above anyone else. God who did not spare his favorite Son, but sent him to die for us. He knows what sacrifice for the sake of reconciliation means. Cast yourself upon Him friends, trust his goodness, make the sacrifice. This year especially, may we all sing with assurance, “Thy mercy, my God is the theme of my song”.

~ Bronwyn Siebert