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A faithful presence of love in the absences of our city.

Tents and Altars

tents and altars

In Genesis 12, God says to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you.And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.” 

I will quote my lovely, funny friend Emily Leslie to begin this blog reflection by saying “I feel convicted and hopeful, but also I want to throw up a little”. That is exactly how I felt when I listened to Justin’s sermon on the call of Abram. If I were Abram, and God was telling me to leave Albuquerque, my roots, my family, my home, to go somewhere random, I’d be like “Yeeeeeah…..No thanks I’m cool”.

 I am absolutely terrible at trusting God to fulfill His promises, even though He has definitely done it several times in my life. Here is a compiled list for your reading pleasure: He called me out of a life without Him, into a life with Him, and saved my soul. No big deal. I was boy-obsessed, and generally completely derailing in my teenage years. I cycled through some bad relationships and rebellion, just to be reunited in art class with my then to be future husband and father of my child who loves Jesus. I gave birth to a healthy, smart, sassy, amazingly beautiful daughter after years of infertility, loss, and heartache. So. Much. Redemption. Yet, so little trust.

Do you see the pattern in those blessings? Before them came trial, difficulty, heartache and tragedy. When you are in the thick of the pilgrimage, it is exceedingly difficult to see through the tears, confusion, disenchantment, and depression in order to reach the destination. Currently, somehow, after all of the big and many ways the Lord has taught me that He is always cooking up something wonderful, I am struggling to trust Him in the growth of my family. I am feeling frustrated to be back here, but we are in another season of experiencing multiple losses of pregnancies and deeply longing to expand our family. Not only in the big things do I lack trust in Him, but also in all of the small things, in a daily battle with some high potency anxiety. I fail to trust the Lord that He is good, and that His story for my life is far better than what I could ever hope or imagine, and I cling to the ways I can help myself, because God’s plan feels intangible and distant.

I don’t think I have truly gone to the land that the Lord wants to show me. I have instead relied on myself, my youth, my comfort, and my progeny, which does not ensure God’s promise, only God does. As Justin shared, Abram was seventy five, and Sarai was infertile, but God chose them to make a great nation. (Um, what was that God? Choose the infertile couple for that, why don’t you. I feel that for Abram and Sarai, no pressure or anything guys!) In all of this, I am reminded of a passage Justin spoke on in regard to creation and the consequences of the fall that I also got to write the reflection for, and this is a blip and some scripture used in that blog:

“Adam is cast away and a curse of death is pronounced on him,  but in God’s plan, the curse is part of the cure.  Jesus has died on our behalf so that he can revive us and this shell of the earth that once was.”

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing; so that also at the revelation of His glory, you may rejoice with exultation. If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. (1 Peter 4:12-14)

Justin described Abram’s response to God’s call for Him in the example of his pitched tents and built alters as he made his pilgrimage to the land God had for him. His tents represented that he sat light on his circumstances, and his alters represented that he held fast to the essential. Abram is an example to us as he boldly listened to God, as his self sufficiency was “scrubbed away” in the belief the Lord had refined in him that God is good and He is for us. He pitched his tent of dwelling, and built his alter of worship in the midst of a land completely unknown.

Dear Lord,

Help us to trust that You are for us, that your stories for our lives are unimaginably more than what we could ever make for ourselves. Christ, give us grace when we are so blinded by our sin that we attempt to strategize and scheme for our own way when we think you are slow to fulfill your promises. Give us the boldness to not only follow You into a land that only You can show us, but dwell and worship there, wherever it may be.

Amen.

~Carly Haynes