"Being self centered is our default setting and we are often unconscious to it". This was included in Justin's sermon last Sunday, and this thought specifically sparked much personal contemplation and reflection.  When thinking of my own sinful nature and that default to selfishness, it makes me cringe. I cringe because despite my best efforts to purely love and serve as Jesus did, there is still so much naturally occurring selfishness that I cannot stop from taking place.

Often to us, our only view of life is our own tiny kingdom. My tiny kingdom looks like your average stucco town home in West Albuquerque, filled with a Zach, a Carly, an Isla, and a dog named Max, along with all of our belongings. It is a life that has to be maintained, money to be made, groceries to be purchased, meals to be prepared, laundry to be (eventually) folded about 12-18 business days after it's washed, dishes to be done, and plenty of things that need it, but may or may not be cleaned or repaired. Truthfully, it is a large task and duty in itself just to survive. To get roughly eight hours of sleep, to eat some kale or acai berries every now and again, to maybe go on an elliptical for fifteen minutes, and to perhaps shower and wear deodorant. Add in all of the other responsibilities of maintaining a household, and then also add also assisting child(ren) or other family members with said things. You must do all of these things, while you work or get an education.

 These are just the necessary things, and maybe, just maybe, you eventually will have time to enjoy leisurely activities that make life happy, such as the company of your friends or family, taking your kids to do something fun, going to see a movie, enjoying a book, eating something that is not made in a crock pot, or going on a vacation and laying on the beach. I'm not making any promises, but you might even have time to serve at church or write that blog you waited until the eleventh hour to write.  

"Our hearts are curved inward towards ourselves.", Justin remarked in his sermon. We are busy, busy humans working very hard to hold ourselves up. Not only in the liturgies of the everyday, but in our hearts and spirits. I am reminded of the words spoken out of my mouth to my husband when I would like him to respond differently to me or have different personality traits that are easier for me to understand. I am reminded of my shushing and stern speech with my daughter when she is going her own way and I want her to go my way. I am reminded of the times I have chosen judgement on family or friends for exciting milestones or events in their lives out of jealousy or personal resentment. When my friends had more babies and I remained hoping for more, when other families' finances seemed more prosperous, when that person was recognized and rewarded and I was not, when they bought that house and we still rented, when their job promotion seemed to improve their situation and mine stayed the same. It is counter intuitive to not think of self first. It is usually in hindsight that we realize we should've handled things differently, after our selfish choices have caused sickness and discord in our relationships or in our own hearts.

I am so caught up in my busy life, and my busy heart, that it can be all that I see, and I treat it as my kingdom and desperately try to hold it up. It makes me laugh cynically when thinking of all of this, because we are all laboring in vain and working so hard to do it, all the while being completely oblivious to it. I am deeply thankful for the good news that God calls us out of ourselves and our false worship of our own worlds, and calls us into worship with Him. 

The best part is that this worship is not something that's just meant to make us feel better or cause us to sing some nice things about God, but it is meant to "summon" together by God Himself humans and all of creation to protest all of the ways in which our values are misplaced and misguided, and the ways in which we are broken, selfish, and sinful. The Call to Worship comes from God himself and it is always there, no matter where I am or where you are, because God is the King of the Universe and holds up all of creation, always.

Dear Lord,

I am so glad that You hold the universe. I cannot even hold myself up, You do that too. Thank You for your consistent and good Call to Worship. May our hearts ever more desire to respond to that glorious call and fiercely protest all of our selfishness and the liturgies that point us even more inward. Please, Lord, strengthen and sharpen us into a people who consistently and wholeheartedly delight in you and desire for all of the world to be yours alone, and not ours. Help us to love to gather eagerly in your church, anxiously and desperately awaiting what you have to teach and show us, and help our minds and hearts to recognize the ache and emptiness that comes with spending time away from You. Amen.

~Carly Haynes