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A faithful presence of love in the absences of our city.

Sibling Rivalry

On Sunday, Justin highlighted the struggle between siblings since the fall with the jealousy present in Cain and Abel’s relationship in Genesis 4. Cain was driven to murder his brother, because Abel had become a walking judgment of all that Cain couldn’t accomplish through his works.

Just as Cain developed bitterness and jealousy toward Abel because of his attempt to earn more affection from God, I too have struggled with longing to be the “favorite child” in a house full of seven girls. When my mom first remarried, my sister and I gained three new stepsisters that were already loved deeply by their dad. With three new competitors seemingly in the lead, receiving undeserved love from my mom, and already having earned love from their dad, my sister and I began the fight.

My oldest stepsister got married young, and was well on her way to produce the first grandchild (which we all know is the number one way to become the favorite). Another stepsister was advanced in the arts and academics, winning awards, and following in the footsteps of her dad to become a teacher. And the last stepsister was the baby. She held her place of “daddy’s little girl” and was too sweet and caring to ever anger anyone. It felt like I sat at the bottom of the totem pole, always in somebody’s shadow.

Justin asked hard questions on Sunday: “Have you tried to earn your parents’ or God’s love through deception? Where do you hide? Are you projecting a better self to the world in the attempt to earn accolades?” These hard questions came with a harder answer: “You can’t earn love that way anyway.” So Justin proclaimed how we become healed of this desire to crush our siblings in our climb to the top: Grace.

Literally in our family, the sixth addition was little Grace, appropriately named for all of the ways she brought healing and a level playing field to our family. When Grace came along, eleven years younger than me, we all stepped in to become her second mothers. There was no longer a struggle to win anybody’s affection. We were all aware of the link and bridge that Grace created as coming from both families, making our mess of a blended family into one.

Lastly, we looked at Galatians 3:25-4:7 where Paul explains our adoption as sons of God. The seventh addition to our family was my sister, Sarah, who was adopted from China. To complete that beautiful picture, Sarah, who was not blood-related to either parent, was loved just the same, and received all of the same verbal expressions of pride and joy that each of us had received.

How much more does God express His love for us because of the grace offered through the death of His Son? Wanting to be the favorite is a struggle in vain, as God has given us an even playing field, always coming from wretchedness, being made into His righteousness through adoption as sons and heirs of His kingdom.

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