“Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son … Sarah said, ‘God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.’ ” After twenty-five years of waiting, God keeps his promise to Abraham and Sara and gives them a son. Twenty-five years… a quarter of Abraham’s life and almost a quarter of Sara’s. Since I was still in elementary school twenty-five years ago, it’s a bit easier for me to contextualize this by thinking about where I was a quarter of my life ago: a newly-wed who had just moved to a new city to start grad school. Far from worrying about my career prospects, I was most concerned that I was going to fail out of grad school. This was also one of the darkest times of my spiritual life. I was apathetic towards God and had no real Christian community around me other than my wife. I knew God’s promises: my work was valuable, God was working to change my heart, God would never leave me, etc. But being close to God, rejoicing in him, and doing useful work seemed impossible.

We read over and over again in Genesis about Abraham and Sara’s struggles with doubting God’s promise for a son. The most striking of these episodes to me is when God visits Abraham before the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and reiterates his promise for a son. Sara, listening from the tent, laughs. How could God deliver on this promise when she was so old? She and Abraham clearly recall this episode when she names her son Isaac, meaning “he will laugh”. They are overwhelmed with joy and laughter at God’s provision and also remember the long dark years the preceded this day.

The Psalms also emphasize remembering both our doubts about God’s goodness and provision but also God’s goodness and power. I tend to forget my past doubts and worries and simply focus on what’s bothering me right now: “I still struggle with apathy towards God!” “Will I ever get a permanent job, or will I move from one postdoc to another for the rest of my life?”. But by recalling my past doubts and struggles, as Abraham and Sara did at Isaac’s birth, I’m reminded of God’s provision for me. I am reminded how he put several other Christian’s in my life in my first year of grad school who encouraged me. I am reminded how I was somehow able to pass all my courses in grad school and find a good postdoc afterward. By remembering my past struggles, God’s present provision to me becomes so much clearer. Perhaps Abraham and Sara were also reminded not just God’s incredible provision but also of their doubts and their need for God every time they saw Isaac.

~ Philip Noell