The last week and a half has been hard. I have wept, felt brokenhearted, angry, questioned, and seen the beauty of the gospel displayed. I know as a community, we have corporately felt all that and more. We have been confronted with the brokenness of this world and wrestled with things in our own hearts.

Daniel 5 was challenging for me on Sunday. The story of King Belshazzar’s arrogance and presumption upon God’s grace stirred up the idols I’ve been confronted with recently. This reality that God is in control and I am not isn’t easy. I want to have the upper hand on God-just as the King did. I do not want to face the realities outside of my own self-absorbed bubble. It is so much easier to ignore the pain and suffering of others by turning on Netflix, taking a vacation, or buying a new dress so I feel more put together. 

But, when we are faced with “the writing on the wall”, when God’s Holy presence in our lives unsettles and awakens us to reality- where do we run?

If I am being honest, as I processed, mourned, and questioned Isabella’s death this last week, I was not quick to run to God. I didn’t want to admit my dependence on Christ because it meant I had no control in this situation. That made me angry. Why God? Where were you? Why this child? As I questioned, I looked to other friends, my husband, and finding busy work to help alleviate those thoughts. I did not turn to God in prayer or open scripture. I ran from Him because I wanted to find something I could control- a to-do list to make myself feel like somehow I was making the situation okay.

And then I stood at the grave of our friend’s daughter. I watched their faces as they lowered her into the ground. I saw the brokenness displayed, but I also saw the hope and promises they are clinging to. As I was faced with God’s presence at that gravesite, my idols shattered. God is in control. God is so good. God is a god who keeps his promises. This is the message of Daniel 5 and an important reminder to us as a congregation at this time. As we sang on Sunday,

“Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide, in every change, he faithful will remain”.

My prayer for this church is that we take joy and comfort in the God who is faithful to keep his promises. Let us fully depend on Christ and run to Him who knows it all. 

~ Bronwyn Siebert