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A faithful presence of love in the absences of our city.

My Own Little Kingdom

King of My Kingdom

"There cannot be a God because if there were one, I could not believe that I was not He."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

My own little kingdom was recently destroyed. The idea that I was in control recently fell apart. My son was born 8 weeks ago and showed me how much life is not about me.

Teaching was, and is, my passion. Most of my waking thoughts were dedicated toward the betterment of my classroom, the possibility of approaching topics differently, or past exchanges with students. I longed to be recognized for my revolutionary ways of teaching, introducing concepts in ways never done before. I enjoyed being praised for my hard work, no matter how exhausted it left me each evening. And I loved the control I had in my classroom. Teaching became my identity.

When I was told that someone else was hired to replace me in the fall before I had even taken maternity leave, I was crushed. Who was I going to be? What would I reign over? What would my little kingdom consist of now and how was I supposed to maintain an image of power and success?

Motherhood was approaching and I knew nothing about it. Leaving the social atmosphere of teaching, where all my hard work was on display, to the loneliness of staying at home was not my idea of proving my worth to others. Washing dishes, changing diapers, and cooing back at the baby is not a job that shows much progress or that offers recognition. And yet, it might be the most important part of the advancement of God's kingdom in my life. My son's little soul is at risk, and is hopefully being shaped for the Lord's work through my own surrender to Christ in these mundane tasks. A constant faithfulness in these things is going to go so much further than a one time feat of a revolutionary teaching scheme.

Justin discussed that the crushing of our own little kingdoms, the destruction of Nebuchadnezzar's kingdom, happens by the stone, Jesus. Our erected kingdoms come tumbling down through the striking of one small stone. Jesus is both the easy solution and the difficult one. The difficulty comes through the relinquishing of control, the humility needed. When Jesus takes down our little kingdoms to build His own, it means we have to recognize that we are not our own god, as Nietzsche was not willing to do. Recognizing weakness is difficult. And yet, Jesus is the easy answer because it means we don't have to be in control any longer! We don't have to try to build something. Jesus is our righteousness and has built the kingdom for us. Praise be to Him.

~Emily Spare