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A faithful presence of love in the absences of our city.

Liberating Thoughts

This morning I reviewed my conference notes from Liberate.  I was searching.  I was longing.  I was wandering.  Wanting to secure the loose impediment that the good news of the Gospel often is or at least becomes.  It seems the Gospel is so quick to be forgotten.  It is almost like it happens over night, between the attending and the leaving of the conference, between the packing of bags, the unpacking of the same, between picking up children, putting them to bed and looking at the to do list coming tomorrow.  The Gospel so ealily becomes like that important receipt that gets waded up in the bottom of one of the plethora of pockets in your cargo shorts.  Washed over, bound up, a ball, then lent and forgotten.  This morning as I searched, I didn't want the truths of the week that was Liberate to be lost again until next year.  I didn't and still don't.  

So I reviewed.  This is not a regular practice.  I wish it was.  I take notes upon notes, write journals upon journals, but I don't take time to review, reflect, contemplate.  Contemplation, this is what the Spirit of God did as he hovered over the waters at creation.  He didn't just show up and take the nothingness of time and space and earth and whip it into the batter of creation.  The Spirit hovered, contemplated the work of creation to be done.  I need to be a perculator, not a microwave.  If the Gospel isn't to become a waft of smoke that only burns the eyes for a moment, I must wait, breathe it in and let it burn.  So I reviewed.  

As I did, I came to a take home - a way for me to reflect and continue to reflect.  And what I kept coming to was the truth that I am pardoned, forgiven, loved.  This means that I don't need to walk out of the courtroom and say to the judge that I am never coming back here again.  The Gospel frees me from the belief that God forgives me, but he doesn't like me.  It frees me from assuming that He is simply putting up with me until I get it together.  It frees me from meditating on the thought that the one Jesus loves is actually the better version of me, and if I just get better then I will become that better version and all will be well - I will be loved.  I am loved.  And the truth is the better version of me doesn't exist.  This creates a fear:  what happens if I don't become the better version, what if I am actually a worse version?  What if I can't lose the weight that I want to lose?  What if I can't stop wanting reconciliation and the feeling of peace and comfort that comes with it, so much so that I will acquiesce and stuff things deep just so I can get to the absence of conflict and peace?  What if I can't help you?  What if I can't help me? What if I can't grow my church?  What if we get smaller - is that even possible?  What if I can't stop isolating myself?  What if I always seem to want approval and recognition?  What if I can't get a better portfolio?  A better house, car, life?  What if I get worse and not better?  What happens then?  

The Gospel reminder from Liberate that I want to cling to; that I want you to cling to is this:  it pleased the heart of God to save you! Have you bought the lie that it's some future version of yourself that he loves? He doesn't, He loves you! God loves you as you are, not as you should be.  Do you think God has regrets? Do you think He says, "Can I take a mulligan?" He hasn't, He doesn't.  He has swore by Himself! He can't break a promise to himself!  He doesn't just love you, He likes you.  You have been loved, you are loved, you will be loved even in your inability to be loved.  Jesus has won for us, so we can lose; He has suceeded for us, so we can fail; He was somebody, so we can be nobodies. Your identity is secure in what Jesus has done for you.  

Let this burn, let this stay, let this linger, let this be!