“What life circumstances unsettle you?”, Pastor Justin asked the congregation in his sermon on Genesis 26, the story of Isaac dwelling in the land God asked him to, instead of going his own way. God chose Isaac because his father Abraham was faithful and fulfilled all of God’s commands. Isaac inherited God’s blessing because his father was faithful, and God challenges Isaac to do the same. Along the way, Isaac obeys the Lord and receives his blessings, but Isaac does not escape all hardship just because he receives it. God fills Isaac’s wells with water, but when the wells are filled, trouble comes with them.

I have a whole list of life circumstances that are unsettling to me, but I would say that the overarching theme of my unsettled thoughts is the complete lack of control I have over my life. “We seek blessing when we have experienced unpleasantries”, Justin remarks. I’ve been told that I am a hustler. I am not good at sitting in the discomfort of my unpleasant circumstances and I’m very quick to try to take it into my own hands to try to get rid of it.

I experience miscarriage yet another time, my chronic illness flares and becomes worse than ever before, my relationships disappoint me and don’t feel fulfilling or right, the list goes on and on. I wrestle with all of this, and I pray for God to bless me with more children, to take away my chronic illness, to restore my relationships, and while I sit and try to wait, I don’t just wait, I hustle. I frantically make doctor’s appointments and plead for help from medical professionals to rid me of pain, I research cures and supplements, I overcommunicate and try to mold my relationships into the ideal picture of what I’d prefer them to be.  

“Circumstances change…” Justin says. I would say to you that my most difficult spiritual battle is trusting in the Lord’s plan for my life. I have a very hard time going to the land that God wants me to dwell in because I am actually afraid of what that might bring me. It feels very scary to let someone else take the wheel on things that I have been holding to so tightly. When you are really ‘in the middle of it’, all you can usually see are the ways that life is hard and miserable, and it does not seem like our circumstances can change. When our circumstances do change, whether it be a positive or negative direction, our faith can either flicker away or abound. It seems like it more often flickers when we don’t receive what we are praying for, and increases when we get what we want.

We are so short-sighted that we don’t realize, in the thick of our battles, that God’s plan for our ultimate flourishing is not a straight and narrow way. We think in absolutes and we think that we can either exist in a world where there is no suffering at all, or a world where there is only suffering. When we throw our hands up, and we are wondering where our unanswered prayers went, we forget that God has given us glimpses of blessings during our trials, according to His plan. We will not have total relief from suffering on this side of heaven, but we will have beautiful glimpses of the Lord’s rest to give us hope in the desert place until the plan for our ultimate flourishing unfolds when we meet Jesus.

Lord,

Help us to lean into and fully trust that your desire for our good is even greater than our own, and the land that you ask us to dwell in is the best place for us. Be with us as we navigate struggles as you simultaneously give blessing. Give us the discernment to know when our own hearts are leading us, and to turn to You instead, because You are the better Isaac, and our Rehoboth. Amen.

~Carly Haynes