I remember so much in highschool and young adulthood thinking that I just needed to try harder… if I loved God enough, I wouldn’t be sinning so much. I knew that I was a *sinner* at my core…. I understood that sanctification was a work of grace and that I was saved by faith alone, not by my works… but somehow I felt such great pressure to be stronger in my faith and better in my works. It wasn’t a heartfelt motivation to love and serve God, it was more like a shameful anxiety. Each time I failed, I felt like God was mad at me, waiting for me to repent before we could move on. I felt totally hopeless in sins I didn’t really even want to repent of. As St. Augustine put it, I was more eager to see my sinful longing “satisfied than snuffed out”...which made me feel distant from God… like I couldn’t come to him with my sinful heart, when I was tired, and confused, and angry... I could only come to him if I had decided I was going to work harder and do better, and I was ready to have a good attitude about it.

It's easy to hear of Abraham’s faithfulness to God in the face of an extremely costly sacrifice, and sigh...I’m not there. I don’t know how I would respond to God’s request in that moment, but probably with protest and a temper tantrum. This story can easily lead me toward the same misguided conclusion… I just need to work harder and do better…

Understanding Abraham's faith in this story provides necessary conviction… but focusing on Abraham’s faith as the foundation of this story does not give us eternal hope. Abraham trusted in God’s goodness, in something bigger than himself and his son, Abraham believed that God was love and that his purposes were perfect to such an extent that he was literally prepared to sacrifice everything...but it wasn’t easy. The tension of this passage, the horrific, painful, reality that Justin had us sit in and acknowledge is such an important part of this story. God doesn’t call us to joy and faith that denies the reality of pain, suffering and sacrifice. In fact, in the most personal, intimate way, God enters into the suffering of sacrifice. We’re allowed to lament, and mourn, and feel the pain, because God models it for us in the life and death of his son Jesus.

The foundation of this invitation is that we do not let mourning turn to despair, even though it often tempts us to. When the comforts of life get stripped away, when you lose someone precious to you, when your health fails you and your body breaks, when relationships devastate us, or when it seems you are being called to make too great a sacrifice… it is a slippery slope from mourning to despair. This story of Abraham and Isaac shows us an intersection of sorrow and hope. Abraham is excruciatingly pained at the thought of killing his beloved son, and he is also so full of hopefulness in God’s goodness and plan, that he is willing to enter into the pain of that plan.

At the end of this story, we see God’s provision. And while we learn a lot from Abraham’s willingness to trust God and how hope in who God is shapes even our most painful moments, the game changer is not the strength of Abraham’s faith, it’s the perfection of God’s provision. In providing his Son Jesus as a sacrifice, atoning for our sins, and inviting us into a loving relationship with Him for all eternity, God has provided for our most central need.

And as we remember the provision of salvation through Jesus Christ, we find hope for our present suffering and earthly sacrifices. Jesus creates safety for us to come to God in all our mess, shame, and darkness, with hope that God is good, that he is working to renew us through all things, and that our salvation is sealed because of God’s provision, not our own. This really changes everything. It changes the foundation of my faith. I’m not called to obey “or else”, I’m loved and provided for, and so obeying starts to feel like thanksgiving, and trust, and worship even in self-denial. In the hardest moments, when obedience requires costly sacrifice, and doesn’t “feel good”, my prayer is that my hope would rest in God’s goodness that is more ultimate and eternal than any present good I am desiring. There is freedom from shame, there is hope, there is purpose and deep joy in our obedience, even when there is deep pain and costly sacrifice.

~ Emily Leslie