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A faithful presence of love in the absences of our city.

Hoping in Pain

Hoping in Pain

When I said yes to writing the blog for this week I had been hoping for a sermon on anything except for pain - especially hoping in pain. When it comes to pain I have a list of things I could write about: anger, passion, strength, depression/anxiety… but hope? To talk of hope in the midst of my pain feels wrong. James Adair would probably quote Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones and tell me that I am “listening to myself more than talking to myself.”

This idea of preaching to myself more than listening to myself left me very reflective. Psalm 42 makes it apparent that there is nothing wrong with asking questions or voicing doubts in the midst of pain. There is even beauty in the growth that occurs as we wrestle with God. The psalmist in this chapter is a great example of praying who he is and not who he thinks he should be. He is very real about what he is experiencing and feeling. At the same time, the psalmist ends each stanza with hope and praise - preaching to himself of God’s goodness and salvation.

Eugene Peterson says that “the primary use of prayer is not for expressing ourselves, but in becoming ourselves.” Do I come to prayer expectant that God will change me as I listen to His truth and reflect on all he has done? The honest answer is no. I don’t want to change. I don’t simply want to express my bitterness, anger, and fear… I want to hold on to them. I want to be right. I want power and control over my enemies and circumstances and I am terrified that God will call me to something different.

James Adair ended his sermon as all good sermons should end - by pointing us back to the cross. As I recognize my endless battle for power and control, I was struck again with the picture of Jesus subjecting himself to death on the cross. While I have chosen to hate my enemies and sought dominion over them, Jesus chose to love his enemies and prayed for them. And those that He prayed for and loved killed Him. And it is “by His wounds we are healed.”

James ended his sermon by saying “Look at what’s been done for you and know that He is good.”

Today I am grateful to be surrounded by community who shares struggles and joys together and who points me back to the truth of who God is, what He has done, and who He has made me to be.